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I saw this meme over at Monica‘s, and it seemed to fit perfectly with this post about introspection I’ve had brewing for awhile.

I think I was probably born introspective. I was due on July 4, but I wasn’t born until over 3 weeks later (that was back in the day when they let the little babies percolate in there for awhile). My decision-making style is, shall we say, deliberative. As the youngest of 4 girls, I continued to develop my introspective nature. There was always something going on in the house to watch, analyze, or ruminate upon.

As I grew older and these innate patterns of thinking burned deeper and deeper into my brain, they sometimes occasionally frequently became a problem. Especially after I had my first child, fear often consumed me. (What if she dies?) This post describes where I was and where I ended up at that stage of my life, albeit briefly.

I slowly began to unpack years of unconscious behavior. I began to recognize and confess worry and fear. I began to cede control of my daughter’s life to her maker. She was His child and He would never leave her or forsake her. I clung tenaciously to Roman’s 12:2 and 2 Cor. 10:5. I think I thought that if I just introspected properly, all would be well.

Ironically, after a couple of years of blog reading and a year of blog keeping, I’ve come to see that some things are not worth the time we devote to introspecting upon them. Some thoughts, I just need to lay at the foot of the cross and forget. Some thoughts are not the treasures I once thought they were as I turned them over and over and over and over again and again in my mind smoothing and polishing, smoothing and polishing them.

This summer, my small group Bible study is reading and discussing Joanna Weaver’s Having a Mary Spirit. Weaver articulates this realization perfectly on p. 119:

“…it isn’t enough to take thoughts captive. According to 2 Corinthians 10:5, I must also bring them into obedience to Christ. Which means that, after exposing the lies with truth, I need to promptly hand them over to Jesus.

This is especially important for me, because I tend to place my thoughts under the microscope of self-introspection and study them so intently that I become captivated by the very thoughts I’ve captured. I overanalyze and over-scrutinize to the point that the thoughts I once imprisoned imprison me.

Back away from the microscope, people. I still believe in an examined life. And I still love to think and analyze things. But I continually rely on God to show me the balance between healthy introspection and unhealthy thinking that is simply a waste of my time.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. ~Ps. 19:14

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The blog, people, the blog!…My one year blogaversary has come and gone. I started this blog one year ago on Father’s Day. I was looking for companionship, community, intellectual life (ha!), and a blog that would honor God. I have found many of those things, but I’m still not sure where this ole blog is going.

That intellectual life I was hoping for has just not been happening of late; or should I say that where it is happening is not so much connected to the blog. I’ve agreed to help our church assemble its first library. I’m participating in in-depth Bible study, and find myself in two summer book clubs. If I know anything, it’s that Bible study has got to be a top priority during this season of mothering.

Perhaps it’s just the demanding phase my 3 year old is in, but it’s all I can do to fire of a quick twitter and check in on my peeps before we’re off to the park or I’m schlepping peanut butter crackers to him yet again — let alone step back far enough from the aforementioned slim intellectual pursuits to share them on the blog. Yet, I don’t want to completely give up taking time to document the sweetest moments of motherhood or chewing over a blog post for several days.

And the bloggy spiritual life…I love that you guys love “God Posts,” but they’re kinda drying up for me (probably b/c I’m spending so much time perusing frugal blogs). But Emily’s recent find did suggest the idea that I let you guys share what you see God doing in the blogosphere. But I’m not sure what kind of schedule I should adopt for that. And I really did enjoy praying for you. I could enjoy doing that on a regular basis. But I’m quite sure my blog would have to take on a monthly publishing cycle vs. a weekly one; and that seems like such a loooong time in the blogosphere.

I love the bloggy treasures (that would be you) that I have found along this journey. I’m just not sure what to do about the fact that by the time I wade through my feed reader, I’ve barely any time left to blog myself. But I’ve learned tons about couponing and other clever ways to save money and about mystery shopping, which is such a great bonus.

And this, in a nutshell, is why it’s been so quiet here for so long. Well, also, the husband went to Indonesia for two weeks, which turned into three weeks away from home b/c we went South to visit family while he was gone. I’m still too paranoid sensible to share such things with you the whole Internet while they’re actually happening. But I will have some sweet pictures to share with you from our trip. Later, friends.

I leave you with a photo of my dad and my boy in honor of Father’s Day 2008:

Jeremiah 17: 7-8:

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

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Here are a few of my favorite “God-posts” since I last wrote:

Something on my Mind at Living Proof Ministries Blog — I long to be better at this. Authentically.

Eight Days at YouTube — if you’ve followed the Connor Booth posts, you need to watch this. With a hanky. Bless them for giving God the glory.

A New Song at This Simple Life — I’m convinced that in our “Entertain me” and media-saturated culture, we have forgotten how beautiful it is when we offer ourselves and our gifts beautifully and simply before our Lord. Thank you, Toni.

Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. ~Joel 2:13

Thank you all for pointing to Him.

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Shannon’s running a Greatest Hits edition of Works for me Wednesday today. This one, originally published in July 2007, is one of my faves. It ought to be fun to check out everyone’s favorite ideas.

A few years ago, my Bible study leader recommended keeping a 3X5 spiral notebook as a tool for scripture memorization. I have found this tip to be useful not only in improving my scripture memory, but also in deepening my relationship with God.

When I come across a verse that I want to learn or one that speaks to me, I write it in my spiral. I carry this spiral in my purse so that I can “study on it” when I have free time in the car (not while driving, of course) or while waiting somewhere. I have already filled two notebooks and am due for a third. I can often find the verse in my spiral quicker than I can locate it in my Bible (maybe that’s another project?!), so I’ve noticed I am sharing a lot more scripture with others. I also like to look back through the notebook and see how God has spoken through time with different verses; and I do repeat verses when they re-emerge as important during a particular season of life.

I am one of those people for whom writing things down makes them more real (thus, the blog…), so writing the verses down definitely adds to my knowledge and understanding of them. Works for me…and since you’re a bloggy person, maybe it’ll work for you too.

Works for Me Wednesday is hosted by Rocks in My Dryer.

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You like me!

Right now, you like me!

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Got me an award today. Yes, I did. (Let us not speak of the fact that it is April Fool’s Day).

In truth, my comments are a lot more interesting than my blog. Maybe you all could just follow me about the blogosphere and read my witty repartee. THAT would be fun, huh?

Thanks to childlife for graciously bestowing this honor upon me. I’m gonna spread the love to bad mom, Bargain Shopper Lady, llama momma, and  Emily at The Learning Never Stops.

Hmm, methinks I also need to update my blogroll.

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I do. I really do. So, I’m gonna steal this idea from follow in my friend Bargain Shopper Lady’s footsteps and ask you if there is anything you would like me to pray for.

We are all so lucky to be able to approach the throne of grace with confidence and chat with the maker of the universe; but I have learned in my nigh 40 years that sometimes we just can’t pray for our own needs, or don’t know exactly what to pray, or just need to share our burdens with others in order to find wholeness and healing.

Nothing is too trivial, too small — or too big for our God. So if you’d like to share your request with me in the comments or via email (bloginmyeye [at] gmail [dot] com), I will very humbly and very happily pray for you for the next week.

Be blessed.

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An apology

crispyfern

Dear Blog,

I’m sorry I haven’t watered you.

I’m sorry I let the children trim your branches with the scissors, and sweep them into a pile, and carry them to the kitchen trash can, and repeat ad nauseum.

I’m sorry I tossed you outside when company was coming, even though it was still below freezing outside.

I still think you’re beautiful.

Is our relationship beyond repair?

Lainey

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